the startup spouse

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Better Than My Wedding Video

August 13th, 2010 · Personal, Startup Spouse

I know, I know. You guys think I’m going to get all sentimental now because last time I ended my post all cheesy and now I’m talking about my wedding video…

When it comes to wedding videos, there are generally 2 types of people. How do you know what type of person you are? Well, you’re probably asking one of these 2 questions:

Who gives a shit about your wedding video? Or,

What could possibly be better than your wedding video?

You’re both right.

I’ve been married for nearly a year now. (Is that still “the honeymoon phase”? Nothing has changed since we’ve gotten married… we lived together for 2 years before getting married… it feels the exact same as before, now I just have a crazy, long, hyphenated last name.) We got the final copy of our wedding video not too long ago, after watching 2 drafts and requesting some changes here and there. It’s really well done. It’s beautifully edited and captures everything. In fact, people other than my Mother have gotten emotional watching it and have texted or called me immediately after watching it to tell me how wonderful it was. So either they’re fake assholes or it’s that good ;)

I’m so happy to have it as a keepsake so that we can hold on to the memories of our wedding day. But honestly, I’ve watched it and I’m cool now until our 10th anniversary. Or 25th even.

So what’s even better than our wedding video?

The raw footage. Oh yes, RAW FOOTAGE of our whole wedding day.

I know that it’s quite possible that this sounds boring. Perhaps the thought of going through hours of unedited video seems absolutely absurd to you. But, I studied film… I’m used to shooting way more footage than necessary and then sitting there on the computer, late at night, going through all the footage that needs to be edited down into one amazing short film. Hell, I’ve even gone through film on a Steenbeck with scissors and tape. And from this experience I know: there are always some hidden gems in raw footage. (Yeah, smart ass, besides the edited down version of awesomeness, duh.)

But, imagine what kind of gems can be found when you’re not shooting in a studio. When you’re not surrounded by a lighting set-up so bright and hot you immediately smell smoke if any gels or filters are placed too close to the lights. When the characters in this movie are not played by actors. When the people in your little movie are so focused on the event, they forget the cameras are there. When your team of camera ops are so good at their jobs, so nearly invisible, that your guests behave… as normal. As though they weren’t being filmed.

Oh, dear readers, haven’t you ever wanted to be a fly on the wall? To know what people REALLY think and say about you? About your taste? About your appearance? About your loved ones? About things you didn’t even know people took the time to talk about?

I won’t divulge specifics about what gems I found in there. I found many, MANY things that made me smile and be grateful for the wonderful people in my life. I also found some things that Blew. Me. Away.

Seriously.

I don’t hold grudges. I don’t wish any evil upon anyone. I don’t even hate anyone.

I won’t even go through the trouble of orchestrating a prank in which my Mom’s 6 very Italian brothers show up at your house with baseball bats and shovels. Though, to be honest, I would find it HIGH-LARRY-OUS to watch you shit your pants as you think “Gee, I had no idea I was messing with the mafia”. (For the record, my family is not part of the mafia. But we are Italian, and most of them are in construction. And one of my Dad’s great uncles apparently worked for Al Capone in Chicago way back when. So, I guess if your logic is based on stereotypes and correlation as causation…)

But I digress.

I just eliminate toxic people from my life and move on. Life is too short.

Needless to say, I have been nice to the (until recently, unknown) offenders, and I will continue to be civil when I see these people in future social situations in which I have no control over the guest list. But you can be sure I’ll be surreptitiously making the horn or fig gesture in the hopes of warding off any malocchio! ;)

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Exit Strategy: Prenup, Postnup, Nonup

July 30th, 2010 · Startup Spouse

Many startups begin in a fit of passion, pursuing a crazy dream with a clear exit strategy, something like: make a big splash, sell for big cash, and move on to the next one.

Many marriages begin similarly. Both parties enter the marriage head over heels in love with plans to live happily ever after. Couples also have a clear exit strategy: ’til death do us part.

For all their good intentions, we know how many businesses and marriages end: broken and broke.

Enter the lawyers. And contracts.

But isn’t marriage already a contract? Yes. But who wouldn’t want – nay, love! – more contracts with more rules and terms and stipulations and clauses and, my personal favourite, legalese?

Let’s start with some quick definitions.

Prenuptial Agreement: agreement entered into before marriage

Postnuptial Agreement: agreement entered into after marriage

Nonup: no agreement entered into (at least not on paper)

Pretty straightforward, right?

Now, the contents of any such contracts can vary. But the purpose is always the same: to protect one’s self and one’s assets.

So, should you sign one?

If you’ve enjoyed significant success (or a kickass trust fund) prior to meeting the man/woman of your dreams, you should sign a prenup once you have met him/her and decide to get married. Especially if s/he is a broke-ass mofo moocher with a slight soupçon of gold digger. Actually, you shouldn’t be marrying this person, but whatever, it’s your life.

If you’ve busted your ass to get where you are (whether that’s mediocre or ballin’) and don’t want your future spouse’s dabbling in startups to screw you over financially, you should sign a prenup. (But don’t get mad if s/he decides to further stipulate that you won’t be enjoying the fruits of his/her labour should the startup be a huge success. No risk, no reward.)

If you’re marrying someone just so they can get citizenship, you should sign a prenup. (You should also ask yourself if you’re willing to spend time in prison for this person. No matter how well worded, a prenup doesn’t give you legal immunity, it doesn’t really work that way, unfortunately…)

If you’re marrying someone just so you can get citizenship, I’m not sure I can convince you to sign a prenup, you already sound like a sketchy character.

If you’ve coughed up some cash to fund your spouse’s dream and have now found out that s/he has screwed you over and you don’t have a prenup, you should play nice and get him/her to sign a postnup. And then file for divorce.

If you suspect your spouse is cheating (and you’re not in an open polyamorous relationship) and you don’t have a prenup, you should play nice and get him/her to sign a postnup. And then file for divorce. Or join in. Whatever floats your boat.

Obviously, you shouldn’t take my advice. (It is obvious, isn’t it? Some of you worry me with your lack of humour.) Sure, thanks to Google Analytics, I can tell if you’re reading this using Chrome or Firefox. I can even log onto the server and look at the IP logs and figure out where you live (don’t worry, I have a life and a hot husband, I’m too busy). But besides creepy interwebs stuff, chances are, I don’t actually know you or your life. So do a little bit of soul searching and some serious thinking before you decide on your own personal exit strategy.

What did my husband and I do? After some thinking and some talking, we decided that a prenup/postnup wasn’t something we wanted to do. Romantic? Risky? Stupid? I don’t know. We have many agreements that we’ve made in good faith, but in terms of legal documents, we’ve gone the nonup route. We may regret that someday. So be it. In the meantime, we’re risking it and betting all or nothing together.

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Why You Shouldn’t Marry an Entrepreneur

July 13th, 2010 · Startup Spouse

There are many reasons why you shouldn’t marry someone, not just an entrepreneur. When you just can’t get on the same page when it comes to stuff you find really important, it might be time to re-evaluate…

Maybe she doesn’t want kids and you do. Maybe he is far too dependent on others. Maybe she smells funny. Maybe he relishes having flatulence. During dinner. At a nice restaurant. While celebrating your grandmother’s 100th birthday.

While these things may help you develop a nervous tic or an ulcer, they’re your mate’s preferences/issues. And, as we know, you can’t change people. But, how about you? Are you cut out for startup spousehood?

If the following list applies to you and you can’t change, you should probably rethink going further in your relationship with an entrepreneur.

  1. You enjoy vacations.
  2. You dislike trying new things, especially if there’s any chance you might fail.
  3. You value stability in many forms: financial, emotional, psychological…
  4. You don’t like coffee.
  5. You abhor roller coasters.
  6. You detest obstacle courses.
  7. You thrive on instant gratification.
  8. You like routine.
  9. You don’t like risk.
  10. You are afraid of innovation.
  11. You can’t handle competition.
  12. You don’t like “techy” things.
  13. You don’t like “businessy” things.
  14. You don’t like hats or people who wear a lot of them.
  15. You don’t have any of your own interests, hobbies, goals, or friends (real or imaginary).
  16. You’re a gold digger. (*ahem* While the stereotype is that women are gold diggers, this is directed at both genders. Yes gold digging men, we’re on to you.)

Let’s be honest: entrepreneurs are neither angels nor devils. But they can be tough to deal with, tough to please, tough period. And they have it tough. Depending on where you live and whose research you cite, anywhere from 20-80% of businesses fail each year. Less-than-brilliant ideas, poor execution, no business model, terrible margins… all good reasons for the death of a business. But I’m willing to bet that a needy, negative, nagging and bored spouse can be that last nail in the coffin…

So, in an effort to avoid becoming that proverbial nail, whenever I get an urge to say something negative or nag my husband, I channel that energy into working out. I figure if I do that every time Negative Nancy whispers in my ear, on top of my regular workout sessions, I’ll be able to kick hubby’s ass soon. Err, no, I mean… I’ll be strong enough for us both blah blah [insert something nice and supportive] ;)

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TGI… Over?

June 29th, 2010 · Toronto

Last week, I experienced my very first earthquake. Though it registered a relatively wimpy 5 on the Richter scale, these things don’t happen in Toronto. I’m not gonna lie, first earthquake + being in a condo building that seems to be moving back and forth = *thisclose* to crapping myself. Yeah yeah, laugh at me all you want, California. But these things just don’t happen here. Let’s see how you deal with a Canadian snowstorm ;) (No, I’m not talking about the time former Toronto Mayor Mel Lastman *cough* called in the army to help *facepalm*. I’m talking about a real Canadian snowstorm up in Northern Ontario.)

I thought the earthquake (and the tornado warning a couple of hours later) was enough “scary excitement” for a while.

The next day, my beloved Azzurri lost and got sent home. Four-time World Cup champions, but this time around they played like crap. They deserved to go home, but I was still sad. Really sad. Especially when I saw Quagliarella overcome with emotion and tears :( My husband doesn’t care for footie, so I commiserated with my Dad, a hardcore Italian who can tell you every fact you’ve ever wanted to know (or not) about every team and every game played ever (k not really, but pretty close).

I thought my team’s terrible showing was enough disappointment for a while.

Yeah, well I must have forgotten that I live in Toronto and that the G20 would soon be upon us and that these feelings would soon be forgotten, trumped, pwned!

Though I didn’t personally attend the protests, I fully support peaceful protests and respect everyone’s right to free speech. Unfortunately, a small portion of the otherwise peaceful protestors decided to go all crazy on Toronto’s ass and they quickly overshadowed the legit protesters’ important messages. That is, everyone (including yours truly) became so enthralled, we forgot the other important stuff. We even forgot about the actual summit. (Our leaders called it a success though, so I’m sure they worked really hard and solved lots of problems, right?)

It might take awhile for Toronto to get past this whole thing. Or, we might not care anymore once Sunday is here and we have the awesomeness that is our Pride Parade. But, in the meantime, TGI Over.

***

P.S. After my first post, I got so many wonderful messages from so many of you. I was getting back to everyone personally, but after a day, I couldn’t even keep up! I will eventually get to all of you though :)

Many of you asked to know more about me. You can check out the About section, where I’ve added some more info, and if there’s anything else you’d like to know, just ask.

Thanks so much for all the kind words :)

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What Does a Startup Spouse Bring to The Table?

June 22nd, 2010 · Startup Spouse

You can easily find information on what to look for in a spouse. And you can easily find information on what to look for in a co-founder. But what should you look for in a startup spouse?

Maybe you don’t even know what the hell a startup spouse is. Quite simply, it’s the spouse of an entrepreneur.

I’m not saying that startup spouses are special, just that we have a slightly different role. Being married to an entrepreneur is different than being married to someone who works a steady job, making a steady income and gets most weekends and holidays off. Even if the hours are long and the job isn’t one you really like, for the most part when you come home you don’t have to think about it, let alone every aspect of the business. And, shitty economy aside, most jobs with big companies are pretty steady, i.e. secure.

Entrepreneurs are a different breed. They’re workaholics who own/run their own businesses and love what they do so much that they often forget to eat, sleep and take time off. That’s obviously a generalization, but not too inaccurate. So, the people they marry must not only fit and perform the usual definition and role of spouse, they must also be crazy. I kid. (Sort of…)

But seriously, what does a startup spouse bring to the table? What value can s/he add?

Well, I’m sure it varies according to the business/industry the entrepreneur spouse is in, the stage of the business, the entrepreneur’s needs, etc. It also depends on the day, the mood, and the weather ;)

In no particular order, on any given day a startup spouse can play the role of

  • sounding board
  • driver
  • public relations rep
  • beta tester
  • proofreader
  • receptionist
  • time manager
  • motivational speaker
  • copywriter
  • therapist
  • accountant
  • cheerleader
  • evangelist
  • mentor
  • coach
  • chef
  • event coordinator
  • entertainer
  • auditor

And that’s but a short, short list.

These roles are not only fulfilled for the entrepreneur spouse, but sometimes for the startup employees as well. After all, if your startup consists of you, 5 employees, and a shoestring budget…

… Who will help you go over the folded up, unorganized bits of paper you call receipts?

… Who will beta test your app and give you bug reports, feedback on issues, and ideas for improvement?

… Who will tell anyone willing to listen about your amazing business/product?

… Who will bring you all dinner at 8pm to keep you fuelled through the night (even if it is just pizza)?

… Who will plan a team-building and motivating night out with your loyal worker bees?

… Who will willingly sing embarrassing karaoke songs to your drunken asses just to help you boost morale after losing an important client so you can make your deadline before going bankrupt?

Your startup spouse.

It’s true, not all startup spouses are the same. Some don’t want to hear about the business at all, thinking of it as “the other woman/man”. Some become resentful if you work too much (and by “if” I mean “when you inevitably”). But, so far, I’m not thinking along those lines, so you won’t find that here. I’m not saying it’s easy or that I don’t wish my husband would take a little break every now and then. I’m just saying that I have a lot of fun being supportive and helping him when I can.

So, are you or have you ever been a startup spouse? What’s your experience been like? What roles have you fulfilled? Do you have any funny stories to share? Or maybe you have some advice for braving the tough times that may lie ahead? Please do share! :)

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Hello world!

June 15th, 2010 · Hello world!

Welcome to The Startup Spouse. My first post will be up soon. Please feel free to contact me with your feedback, questions, comments, ideas, etc. at any time.

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